These two…

Lola and Troy decided to start meeting after school at the library for make-out sessions in order to avoid getting caught.  But this time, Troy had a bone to pick with Lola…

He went on and on about how he didn’t want her talking to other boys, how much he hated that her dad was watching his every move, how he hated living with his grandmother…..

Troy had a lot going on.  He didn’t have the seemingly happy family that Lola had.  But Lola…. she knew that one kiss would make him feel better.  It always worked.

What was even better?  When Troy walked Lola back home Joey was actually happy to see him!  He liked that Troy walked his daughter home and called him “Mr. Markham”.

Joey was coming around ya’ll…. Uncle Pete? Not so much…

Just, you know, some random updates on Joey and his family…

Lil’ Joey is quite the comedian, Lola and Troy still sneaking in make-out sessions when their parents are at work.  On the rare occasion that Joey and Eloise are home, they take full advantage.  El is still working on that baby weight.  She’s been giving some thought to baby #5 but hasn’t made up her mind. Her garden? Extraordinary.

So, that’s that.

OH! At the suggestion of Lola, Audrey decided to look around online and get to know people.  She wasn’t the social butterfly that Lola was and she felt comfortable talking to people this way.  One person in particular…

She finally met a boy… Roger. They were the same age! They sent each other naughty little text messages all the time.  One day they decided to stop playing around and meet up. 

Turns out his name wasn’t Roger and he wasn’t 15…

*dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn*

Audrey was having some personal issues ya’ll.

Those issues kept going under the radar considering her parents were dealing with a newborn, their careers and a teenage daughter who wants to woohoo Troy’s brains out all over their home.

Audrey was suffering from depression.  She was late waking up for school every day and wasn’t finishing her homework.  She just didn’t have the energy (we’ve all been there).  Her grades were slipping fast and no one seemed to notice. That is, with the exception of her teachers.  One of which, Mrs. Pumpsinabump, decided to come by and visit.  She met Joey at the door and explained everything to him.  This saddened Joey and it was hard for him take the news.  Poor Joey…..

You see, Audrey was dealing with several things:  She didn’t feel pretty.  Lola was the pretty one.  She felt she was fat.  Lola had the best figure ever.  She never caught the attention of any boys in school.  Lola is officially going steady with one of the hottest and most popular guys in school.  Lola got straight As.  Lola Lola Lola…

Audrey brought all of these things to Lola one night, complaining about her problems and how she’d been feeling.  Lola was shocked to hear of her sister (read: best friend in the whole fucking world i’ll fuck you up if you ever mess with her forever and ever amen) was so sad.  She did her best to cheer her up.  Reassuring her of her beauty, her passion and her confidence.

“Give me your phone Audrey.”

What teenager (or grown ass adult, or senior citizen, or child, or pet, or president or donkey or potato) didn’t take selfies?

Reluctantly, Audrey handed over her phone.  Lola pulled up a selfie she took just that morning and pointed out the beauty in her eyes, how her hair was perfectly framing her face, how nobody could fuck with the duck lip better than she could, how the sun hit her beautiful brown skin….

Audrey perked up.  They hugged and Audrey went to bed.  So did Lola, but not with out the aching feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach.

Poor Lola….

“Where are you from?”… “Where is your mother from?” “Who do you live with?” “You got any felonies?” “Have you ever had sex?” “Name five things about my daughter that you like and you better not say shit about her body.”

The questions were coming like rapid gunfire from both Joey AND Peter and poor Lola was horrified. 

“What is your mother’s maiden name?” “How old are you? 16? You ain’t 16.”

Troy was on the verge of tears as he left telling Lola he’d see her at school.  Meanwhile, Joey and Peter were CRACKING UP at themselves!

Lola was pissed off.  It was the first time she’d ever yelled at her dad.  She left the table and didn’t speak to her dad OR uncle Joey for a week.  But oh well, she’ll get over it.  Joey and Uncle Pete need to make sure she’s in good hands amirite?

Well, that “number three” that was in El’s uterus turned out to be a sweet little girl named Piper.  Joey, yet again, was head over heels in love (but secretly wondered if he could only produce sperm that wore little pink bows on their little sperm heads).

Piper was a good baby, she hardly cried and delivering her was a breeze according to Eloise.  Piper grew up into a very smart and beautiful little girl just like her older sisters.

Audrey was just a few years older than her and was excelling in school.  Audrey is at the top of her class earning straight A’s all the time!  She always did her homework on time and always did extra credit.

Audrey is not pictured in the family pic at the end because she had to take an angry poop.  But I digress….

Anyone else find it odd that Joey invited Uncle Pete over at the same time Lola invited Troy over?

….. some shit is about to go down up in the Markham house….

Poor Troy.

These two….

Can’t keep their hands off each other as usual.  And, yes, that is #3 in Eloise’s uterus. Lawdamercy….

That last pic?  The look on your face when you are about to get #datass